I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
We're too hungover to prance.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
