I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
