Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
