Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
