yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
