Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
