sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
