You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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