Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize