Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
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