you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Randomize
