Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Randomize
