you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
