i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
