Need sex. Gaining weight.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize