are you still at the devil's house?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
