it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
