I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
