Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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