i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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