Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize