You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
