Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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