every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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