I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
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