You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize