this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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