I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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