I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
