I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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