the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
