it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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