you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize