have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
