how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
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