I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I want to fling myself into the sun
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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