they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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