am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
