i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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