If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
