Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
