there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Randomize
