peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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