WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
