Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
