we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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