just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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