Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Randomize
