I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
