you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
