i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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