I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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