as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
