NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
