Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize