You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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