Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Randomize
