hell yes lets make some ravioli
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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