oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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