No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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