The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Randomize
