you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
