My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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