last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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