We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
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