you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
