I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
