when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
