I accidentally had phone sex last night
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
