he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize