i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
