i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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