I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize