Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
