Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
