no, he came in my armpit
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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