I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
