Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(+64): View more from New Zealand

apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.

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(727): View more from Florida

You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.

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(248): View more from Michigan

btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese

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(314): View more from Missouri

She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.

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(802): View more from Vermont

she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor

(1-802): View more from Vermont

oh but she would

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(916): View more from California

Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.

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(323): View more from California

How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?

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(334): View more from Alabama

I just found out why people like handcuffs.

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(973): View more from New Jersey

the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed

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