i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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