They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
