I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
