we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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