I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
