I'm sorry my penis didn't work
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
