it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
