I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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