If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize
