So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
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