Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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