apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
