Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
