My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
