How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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