I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
