Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize