just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
