I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
