Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
