Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
