college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
