peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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